Old

Days are passing and we shall see wrinkles crawling up our face. We will not want to see our bodies slowly losing its capacity to reproduce youthful cells. Our brains won't function just as much as it used to... Memories will soon be erased. We may dive into depression. Forget how we once lived and we will just wait for the ticking clocks to tell us that our time is up.

What will become of us in years to come? Will we lie alone in bed or crochette along side with our granddaughters. Will we stay and spend all days feeding our pets for we have no one to spend our pensions with?

I won't mind how old I grow. Maybe a hundred or more years or so... As long as I spend my remaining days with you... When I forget my name and who I am, I want you to remind me everyday how much you love me... How much you cared like back when we were younger, we cuddled, watched cheesy movies and you give me massages while asleep... When I would drool because my nerves would fail me, I want you to make me smile like you always do... Just like how you pretended not to be grossed out when I farted... When I could no longer get myself a decent bath, I want you to bathe me and remind me how bubble baths feel when we were younger... Teach me how to make bubbles and let me look at them as if it were the first time I ever saw them... When I whine about my looks, I want you to pluck my brows even if by then I'd have none... And, when I am about to die, I want you to lay me on the rooftop as we watch the stars.. Hold my hands as I close my eyes and make me feel that my life was so worth it after all...

Dear God

Awaken me that I may live
A life according to Your will
That I may understand Your plans
And not mesmerize in thrill...

My conscience died few days ago...
The gift You gave I've desecrated...
I'm worthy of no forgiveness
My life You should've confiscated...

The angel You have sent down
To watch upon my steps...
I truly loved until
I have lost my will...

I find the life You gave so beautiful
But much more without me
For I am spiteful and beauty for me
Is brokenness and deceit...

Sweet surrender...

It was a boring Wednesday morning when the clouds suddenly dimmed upon her. She sat cross-legged hearing voices she knew for the 24th year of her life... The voices cascades bouncing from one room to the other which eventually turn into yells... She murmurs deep within, this is just the life she will be living for the rest of her life or until she does something about it... A roof on her head, a bachelor degree, a stable job and a penniless pocket. Somehow she is not satisfied... Breakfasts seem quite heavy for her to digest since it is accompanied by rants about the bills yet unending spendrift on facials and wants... Later perhaps she'll just sit and stare and listen some more.. Or if she's lucky she might stop a flying saucer in midair to avoid it from hitting another face. She wonders if the dream she had last night would someday become a reality but with a 100 peso bill it's far from being one. Her thoughts would seem so shallow for mortals to understand. They are mere mortals anyway, they are far from knowing what lies beyond these cerebral meanderings. She thought, "They'll never understand, just as long as you nod their head in their direction they'll be completely satisfied." Thoughts and opinions are intangible, not enough to fill their filthy guts to put their minds into it.
She stood on the balcony having enough of the petty quarrels she had witnessed. Too much action now for the boring Wednesday she had intended. She lazily looked at the clouds admiring the scenery that once in her life brought her solace. In admiration, her mind started ticking and thoughts of how she'd want her life to be, smelled so close behind her. She could feel the breathe of her dreams creeping behind the back of her ears. She knew it was there but it was hiding all along because she never tried to pry open what is rightfully hers. She is afraid that in letting go of the things that brought her comfort she would be left helpless in the torrents of the clouds above. She was swept in the preponderance of her thoughts. The uplifting thoughts she needed have subsided and she would succumb to the unending depth of wanting but never getting. She has made the decision that she must be one with her dream. So she placed a foot forward, decided that this be the step she needed to bring forth a life that she wanted... Maybe not here but elsewhere... And she began to fly...

A quelqu'un de faire moi

One day I went to the top of a foggy mountain... I felt the coldness of the vast space that lies beneath this bottomless pit... Deliriously, I've been in surrender to the beauty of this pain... That is when I decided to jump. But she held me and showed me something on her palm... there I saw the beauty of another life that I have only seen in dreams... A life that I knew that only I have thought of. So, then I jumped inside her palm...

Not knowing that what she held was her heart... Too late, we are now as one... and I am finally happy...

Twins

Almost a year ago, I've attempted the impossible, to bring home a puppy... In our household, I am only allowed to bring home stray kittens, birds, fishes and other low maintenance animals.. and those that are not hazardous to one's health... My dad dislikes dog and whatever my dad dislikes, my mom would soon concede to as well... I brought home a puppy for hopes that if I brought it home without asking permission, they would settle with the idea since it is seldom that I would ask for something... Then, to my disdain, I was turned down and told to return the dog back to its owner... For hopes of salvaging the poor thing, I bought the dog and gave it to my special someone instead since I do not want the idea that I would part from something I really love...
I also do not like dogs but animals seem to have a different effect on me... Sooner or later, my fears would calmly subside and I would begin to care and nurture them... I would even cry if any of my pets would die...
About a month ago, I told my dad that I would adopt another in an extremely sweet manner (knowing me, this is not normal), hoping that maybe this time he would change his mind. But unfortunately, it was my mom who did not like the idea... This time, I gave up knowing that the next time I would own a puppy was when I would live in my own pad...
Today, I was in a state of R.E.M when I was awaken by mom yelling, "dali Candice may ahas!" I was in shock and fear that I woke up since I have never seen a snake in our house before. I jumped out of bed and dashed out of the room when right infront of my eyes, I saw my two sisters cuddling a majestic puppy... I was not sure if I was just dreaming... I stood there in awe and then I've realized that I must have misheard my mom... She must have said "dali Candice may aso..." What made things better was that it was not only one puppy but two that mama bought.... I stood in disbelief how such thing could happen and why the change of heart...They were not the most beautiful puppies in the whole world but it was enough for me to not trade them for anything else... I have so many plans for my two new doggy and God really does know how to surprise people in mysterious ways... :D

A dream

I had a dream last night... Someone discovered that if you took a rubberband and turned it into a slingshot using your pointer and thumb and sling a piece of paper on a windless day, it could travel to a different country. I was curious with such idea and so I did try to fling a few shots... Suddenly it came to mind that a person from far away could be receiving these pieces of paper so I wrote something on these tiny sheets of paper...The sun was setting and it had a glazy shade of pink. I decided to aim at that setting ball of flame. As I did, I aimed and flung a shot and I thought to myself... I hope someone gets it...
There on the paper I worte... "In Manila where the pollution is, I am here...." I wondered what made me write that. Perhaps I wanted people to know that I existed on the other side of the world... But a part of me also wonders, what if my soulmate gets the note and someday we would meet and that person would show it to me... It amazes me how as simple as a note flung to the horizon of the unknown could bring two people together... and then maybe they'd discover that once when they have not yet met each other, they have had that chance of connecting... There is a hidden bond between them for them to discover later on in life... This is one of the greatest experience that life has to offer....I wanted to meet the person who would get the note... Not because I wanted a soulmate but perhaps it's because we share the same secrets that not anyone could tell...

Serenity...

.......................

Min Al-Haramiya?

We have just been born. From womb to tomb. My mother fed me. Just moments ago. My brother is turning three. He doesn't want to play. He just wants to stay alive. I hear that horrible sound. I'm too young to ask my mom, "What are those?". My parents seem restless. They don't go out much now a days. I wonder why. But I'm happy they're spending much time with me. My mom cradles me. But she's crying... and my dad is by her side consoling her. I wonder if she's afraid of something. But if we are together, then nothing would go wrong.. I wish I could console her... but I am still too little to even hug her... Night time arrives and I see the skies fill with beautiful fireworks and still my mom would cry each time she would hear the sounds. I didn't know such beauty could bring so much tears. I fell sound asleep last night but my mom did otherwise. The next morning we were all packed. Dad was in the car all set and ready. We were going out! at long last I could see the outside world. It's beautiful outside. It's better than being cooped up at home. My eyes would widen with curiosity for never have I feasted on such view before... Until i've heard a loud bang... I didn't know what had just happened but suddenly I felt myself burning and my cries were muffled by smokes. My mom no longer cradles me... She's no longer moving. My whole family is engulfed in flame... I myself cannot save myself and this pain is seeping throughout my fragile little body... What is my family's fault and what wrong have I done to deserve such agony? I thought we'd be safe if we stuck together but then we died together... We are condemned because we are minorities. We are condemned because we believe differently... But in Allah's eyes we are innocent... Perhaps in Allah's kingdom we shall no longer be oppressed... When the incident of 911 occured, the whole world mourned because hundreds of AMERICAN CIVILIANS were killed. But when a whole ARAB NATION is being attacked and most of the civilians who are children, were killed, the world is now divided on whether to take the Israeli side or the Lebanese side. Why? Because these are ARABS... people they stereotype as different.. people they ostrasize and label as terrorists. In the first place it is not the government of Lebanon who has waged this war and Israel "claims" that they are not against Lebanon, so why make the Lebanese people suffer? Is it just because of two Israeli soldiers who were rightfully abducted because they were trespassing on the lands of the Lebanese that the lives of hundreds of children and women must suffer? Who are the terrorists? Those who claim to be targeting the enemy when their missiles would kill hundreds of innocent people? Or is it those who would shoot a hundred missiles a day yet target soldiers that are indeed their enemy rather than civilian. This is what we call "haram". An act condemned by God. People refuse to see who are the oppressed but in the eyes of God, they shall remain to be the freedom fighter, the innocent ones... "In sha-Allah..." they shall win the war.

Asphixiated

Asphyxia (from a- Greek, "without" and sphuxis, "pulse, heartbeat") is a condition of severely deficient supply of oxygen to the body that arises from being unable to breathe normally.
Is it possible for aspyxia to happen without the body feeling it? If not, then what do you call the condition wherein you just saw someone you really love pass by with his/her special someone? You are able to breathe but your chest size suddenly deflates ten times its size or so you thought it did... and then you notice that you're breathing starts getting coarser and coarser... but nothings wrong with you physically... it's just that your world starts to shrink and his/her horizon starts moving further and further away...
And it also happens when you suddenly got laid off from work and you begin seeing red all around... and then you feel the weight of your shoulder feels like a ton of bricks.. you're physically fine... it's not asphyxia they say... and oh so many reasons more could make you feel this way... but the worst part is... if there are no reasons at all... you just sit in a corner and suddenly you feel it... the breathings are heavy but there's nothing physically wrong with you... you're perfectly fine... but then, you're perfectly empty and though your body is perfectly well, deep inside you are asphixiated and there is no remedy for it... if you're body is asphixiated, your body dies... and then you're perfectly still forever, but when your emotions are asphixiated... it never stops... forever...